Holding on

(I used to be Plus Size Shopaholic, don't worry, you're still at the right place.)

I went for a lovely walk in some gardens near where I live today and I saw this tree:

As you can see, it's holding on for dear life despite looking like it'll topple over at any moment. I'd noticed it before, but hadn't really thought about its tenacity until today.

It got me thinking about the human condition, about how we all struggle from time to time. All we have to do is keep on going, keep on trying, keep on striving and laying down roots even when all seems lost. So now I feel stupid for being inspired by a tree! 

Where's the strangest place you've found inspiration? I wanna hear!

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Here are some more photos from today:

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As you can see I've changed my blog name, blog look and have a new photo stamp. This feels much more like my voice.

Hoping you had a good Monday!

(The photo stamps on this blog entry are wrong. The address (as you'll see from your browser bar) is justmeleah.blogspot.com NOT @blogspot.com. D'oh! It's sorted now ;)

Plus Size Shopaholic is now called Just me, Leah

Re: my last blog.

Now I have remember to stamp all photos from now on with my new blog name ;) Old habits die hard! I'm sure I'll stuff up once or twice :) 

I spent about 90 minutes trying to find something snappy to call the blog when the obvious occurred to me. 'Just me, Leah'.

I hope you stay with me.

Have a GREAT week!

Thanks for reading. 

Thoughts, photos, wisdom tooth trouble and a re-name

(You can click all photos for a larger image)

Yesterday my face looked like this :

It's hard to tell under all that make up, but I didn't have a complete moon face. There might have been a bit of jaw swelling going on, but not as bad as today.

This is what I woke up to this morning - eep!

You can see in the shot above particularly how the left side of my face (right side in the pic) is more swollen around the cheek and neck than the other side (you can tell as the width of double chin is about 3 times the size on that side). I have a wisdom tooth acting up. It is quite painful. As I write this I'm sucking on an ice pop to numb it. I'll get some Anbesol liquid tomorrow to numb it properly. 

Last time this tooth played up it lasted over 2 weeks and as I was unable to eat solids, I was living off soup, so I really hope it goes away soon.

That's my skin as-is by the way - no foundation or powder at all. At least today is a good skin day ;) Yesterday morning it looked like this:

One of the rarely discussed effects of Fibromyalgia is a hot, swollen, red and burning facial rash. Luckily it was only up like this for about 90 minutes, but it can get in the way of plans sometimes. There's no way I'd leave the house looking like this. Of course, there are worse facial blemishes to have, but the sheer discomfort of it leaves me in a shitty mood and sometimes it needs ice on it to calm it down.

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As today was 'just' a moon face day, we went out for a walk.

Lovely autumn leaves

It was quite a short walk for us today as it got dark much earlier (the clocks went back last night and it was a dreary day all day long), it was raining, and we hadn't prepared a Plan B when it turned out our Plan A parking for a woodland walk was someone's private spaces. Google maps, you deceive! :) We had a lovely walk around a graveyard, as you can see from the shots above.

We walked onto some private land by accident after the church (it looked like woodland, there was no gate and no name plate) and got a warning off (friendly on the surface, at least) from a woman who appeared out of nowhere in the trees. Maybe they have a meth lab out there or something and they shoo everyone away. Simples - get a gate and a sign which says 'Private Land' and save yourself a whole lot of trouble ;)

I digress, the walk was short but the drive was lovely and the changing autumn leaves everywhere are just stunning. I love this time of year and look forward to another walk next week.

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I went to MySpace today for the first time in months (I only ever go there to listen to music from bands who don't have their own website). I was looking through my old blogs and it was like being reminded of the person I used to be. I don't know if you've ever looked back on things you've written before and forgotten about and been really impressed? It sounds big-headed, but I don't mean for it to be at all. I'm just such a different person now and I don't write the same way as I used to. 

It's like nothing I say here on this blog matters, like I've become vapid and shallow. It seems to be here I write about just a few subjects - my health, make up, life stuff and some photography. When my mind was less muddied, the world was my oyster and I wrote about so many things. I wrote fiction and poetry. I had things to say about current events, music, films, tv, and I wrote lots of funny and soul-searching stuff, some of it deep and intelligent. It was like the gateway to the 'me' who doesn't exist any more, and it made me sad.

I don't know if because I posted all my blogs to 'friends only' on MySpace, that I felt a freedom of speech that perhaps I don't feel here. After all, when you are amongst friends it's easier to be frank. Being in the public eye here, perhaps I'm subconsciously self-editing. Or perhaps I just have less energy. When I was blogging on MySpace I was doing it daily, sometimes more than once a day, so there were bound to be a few gems in amongst all that content. Now, my health does limit my energy, and I make the most of a good day to blog.

I don't know why I'm sharing this with you, to be honest. Maybe it just needs to be said so I can process it. I thought I was done with the transition from well me to unwell me. Perhaps it's best not to be reminded, as to do so makes me pine for a time when things were different, and that makes me sound ungrateful for the now. Believe it or not I'm very pleased to be able to live any kind of life, as the alternative is such an unattractive prospect!

Perhaps I've been trying to be jack of all trades and master of none, but with a bent towards a couple of trades more than others ;) 

I wanted to align myself with the plus-size community, as I am a plus-sized woman, but they don't want me as I'm not purely a fatshion blogger (and frankly I'm RUBBISH at posting my outfits, so that was never going to work!) 

I wanted to be a beauty blogger as makeup makes me very happy, but I lack the resources to pay for all the stuff one needs to buy to be stay on top and informative, and that community doesn't want me either, because frankly there are way better people out there at slapping make up on and telling people about it. Jesus, I still have half a carrier bag full of make up I've barely even looked at, let alone reviewed.

I can't fit into one blogging box and I don't want to. Labels are for jams, not people.

The 'Plus Size Shopaholic' moniker doesn't fit any more (pardon the pun!) and I'm going to change it to something more vague all encompassing.

For those of you who stick with me through all my dithering, name changes, self-indulgent mind-spew and everything else, I salute you!

I'm going to try to capture the essence of my 'old' self and inject a bit more variety into this thing.

Thanks for reading, now more than ever.

Don't tell anyone, but I watched it again last night...

Of COURSE I'm talking about the X Factor!

Love it or hate it (I'm still undecided!) Saturday night doesn't feel like Saturday night unless it's on.......even though I prefer Strictly Come Dancing to be honest ;) (I really do!)

My thoughts about last night? Well I'm glad you asked (ahem!) 

In no particular order:

Johnny was a LOT less annoying. Who knew he could sing like he isn't on helium? YAY! Louis, for God's sake give the bloke some songs he can sing without sounding like Tweetie Pie! He's totally a guilty pleasure of mine.

Janet was also a lot better. I loved her hair and make up and liked the song. Under a bit of questioning from Dermot she said she preferred more up-tempo numbers to the ones she's been doing. Kelly needs to stop giving her airy-fairy numbers. Let the bloody girl sing!

Little Mix (Rhythmix) were quite good too. They might look like an accident in a charity shop but they do have good voices. The new name is a bit weird but hey ho. Loved what the make up artists did with their make up.

Frankie - still can't stand the bloke. Never will. I think Gary Barlow is living vicariously through him. Whatever song he 'sings', he ruins. And he still looks like the great unwashed.

Kitty- LOVED her performance. I still think she's the only one who's thinking of the whole package - the hair/make up/outfit, the performance as an art and the singing. The more I hear her voice the less her Vulcan fizzog pisses me off.

Craig - I thought this performance was his worst one so far. You can't improve on perfection and his take on Adele's song was a bit like if he was singing it whilst straining out a fat one on the toilet. It was a bit too reachy for my liking. Gary seems to favour that whole thrashing your voice shit. And making the poor bastard sing in a duffle coat? Oof, such intolerable cruelty!

Marcus - LOVED his make up and his funky little dancing. It's nice to see him coming out of his shell. He could sing the Chinese takeaway menu.

Sophie - I'm not getting her at all. She can sing all right, but I don't enjoy her performances much. I did like what they did with her hair though - that's all the good stuff I have to say about her performance. She seems a bit robotic, like she doesn't believe the words she sings.

Misha B - There's something disingenuous about this one. I thought it was quite decent of Tulisa to try to explain away her comments last week, and Misha didn't say a word. She looked like she was faking being about to cry. I find her to be quite snooty. It's a shame, because she IS the whole package, but one who thinks her merde smells floral.

I missed The Risk but I understand they had a change of line up this week.

The judges...well, there was some drama this week. Whether it's Simon Cowell-dreamed up bullshit to improve ratings or real deal illness, Kelly was absent as she was in the US 'ill'. Her replacement was Alexandra Burke, and I thought she was a distinct improvement. She held her ground, didn't let anyone get away with any crap, and was really honest. I liked her a lot.

I've read today that Kelly is supposed (according to the Daily Mail, so it could be lies) to not want to come back from the US. Suits me, I much prefer Alexandra. Far less crap comes out of her gob. 

Oh, and I watched our X Factor after watching the US one in the afternoon, and it made me want to cry. I know they have a much bigger pool to pick from, but it makes our lot look like a bunch of rank amateurs! Also, the decisions made in the American version are head decisions, not heart decisions. You know the people who should go through do go through in the US version. With ours, it's all down to who the judges have developed a soft spot for, not who's the most talented.

Have you been watching the US version of the X Factor? 

If so, who do you want to win?

I want Josh to win.

Now, the X Factor results show! :)

Thanks for reading. 

All dressed up and nowhere to go - Halloween

I had no plans for tonight but it certainly didn't stop me getting all dressed up!

Here are some photos from tonight, all taken on J's Samsung Galaxy S2 using the various wicked effects on the app called Camera 360 and edited slightly in Picnik.

You can click all pics for a larger image if you so desire ;)

What are you doing for Halloween?

I used:

Greasepaints
elf 100 colour eye shadow palette
Fake blood
A whole can of dry shampoo
Lashings of talc
Several silly faces

Thanks for reading.

New coat and hat

It's winter......or to be precise, autumn.

In my mind, there's no distinction between autumn and winter. If it's cold, it's winter, and when I see flowers sprouting again, then I call it spring!

Anyway, I digress. Colder weather requires cosy clothing. Last year I must've been smoking crack because I bought a coat in the sale that was too small, it was arse-skimmingly short and it had 3/4 sleeves. WTF?!

Since the naysayers of DOOM have predicted snow deep enough to bury a woolly mammoth this year (I *might* be exaggerating) I thought I'd get a new coat, and I got a steal. Coats were 25% off at Evans and then I got another 20% off with a voucher code. All in all I got a £65 coat for £39, so I was very happy. It came yesterday.

Click all photos for larger images.

I'm glad I didn't pay full price for it, as I thought it'd be some kinda wool mix, but it's actually more like a fleece material. The plus side is it's lightweight and will dry relatively easily (if you've ever been caught in a heavy downpour in a woollen coat you'll know how heavy it gets!) but already I can see the fabric will bobble. Bugger. Just as well it was a bargain! It is lovely and comfy and warm though, but if you do buy it, go a size up. It's VERY snug. I went a size up than usual and I'm glad I did.

Also I was reading Devon's blog earlier and I fell in love with her bear ears hat/scarf/gloves. I actually found it cheaper on eBay than where Devon mentions, and I purchased it tonight as it's SO cute.

 I've ordered it in black and it's also available in beige and off-white from various sellers on eBay.

Here's a pic showing how long it is:

It's sooo cute and I'll be all toasty!

Bring on the cold (but please, no snow!) I will get J to take pics of me in my coat soon.

How are you preparing for the cold?

Thanks for reading.

Wedding Update - new evening venue and I've picked my dress!

Blimey, planning a wedding is stressful!

The last 24 hours have been fruitful, but a little crazy.

We've found a new evening wedding venue and I've also picked out my wedding dress. 

I'm not going to tell all, but I shall drop a few hints :) 

My dress is champagne satin, full length, A-line, beaded, strapless, and GORGEOUS. I'll be wearing a hooped petticoat underneath it to give it the wow factor and I'll be getting some kind of shrug or cardi to cover up my bingo wings.

The evening venue is historic, grand, high-ceilinged, opulent, and a real friggin' steal.

It's opposite a lovely park so we can take some beautiful wedding photos there. 

Finally, things are shaping up. We might have to sell a kidney each to pay for it, but I don't care at this stage. I just want all the stress to be gone.

I also managed to track down my errant dad today. I didn't actually manage to talk to him, because that involves him picking up the phone when I call, but at least now I have a number to call pester him on.

A good news day!

Don't you just love good days?!

Sunday walk in the woods

 Hiya.

The Mr-to-be and I had a nice 90 minute walk in some local-ish woods yesterday. We are SO lucky to have lots of woodland nearby. This must be the 5th or 6th different wood area we've been to in the last couple of months. 

It was too nice a day not to go out yesterday. It was really hot. This weather is weird. I was sweating!

As you can see it was lovely and sunny

J playing in the 'teepee'

These two trees looked like a gateway

It was a lovely walk and the woods was full of dog walkers. We must've seen 10-15 dogs while we were there, and we were the only ones there who didn't have a dog, and we walked for at least 90 minutes. Does no one walk for the fun of walking any more?!

I love dogs anyway, so I was very happy!

What did you do yesterday?

Thanks for reading.