Those of you who used MySpace might have joined in with the 'year in review' thing that used to go round in bulletins at the end of each year.
I think it's a good idea to reflect on what has happened in any given year so as to prepare for the new year and make any personal goals. Please feel free to do your year in review - I'd love to see your posts!
JANUARY
The beginning of January was full of excitement, planning and nausea, for I was pregnant and ecstatic about it (but not so ecstatic about the nausea). On the second week in January I lost my baby, almost died from acute blood loss and had a fallopian tube removed after it ruptured. The ectopic pregnancy came as no surprise when it did come, as I had one in 2003. In fact, had I not had one already I would've ignored the pain when it came and surely would have died.
I already knew before we left for the hospital that our dreams were over, and had done all my crying by the time we even left knowing it was a done deal. You have to go through certain channels in a hospital. It was after almost 12 hours of scans and examinations in the hospital that I was gowned and put in a side room ready for surgery at some stage later when a theatre became free. I went to the loo as the nurse had told me they prefer to catheterise on a relatively empty bladder for an op. I felt very ill, asked J to get someone, and woke up with 4 nurses shouting for me and trying to push the bathroom door open. I'd passed out on the toilet soon after my fallopian tube had burst, collided face-first with the sink opposite the toilet, then fell off the loo and landed with my head in the corner of the door.
I woke up on the floor with blood pissing out of my face, and 4 very worried nurses trying to take the door apart to get to me. To cut a long story short, my surgeon saw me in that state on the floor and yelled two words: 'Theatre NOW!!'
I lost a lot of blood, about 3 litres according to the surgeon. He came to my bedside two nights running to tell me how they nearly lost me. I think he thought I was in too deep a shock to take it in the first night, so he came back again to make sure I knew how lucky I was to be alive. I got it the first time ;) They had to tilt the operating table to get the blood clots to roll off my chest. I'd bled out so fast. When I was in recovery I filled up two drain bags with blood and the anaesthetist was so panicked they reopened me to make sure I wasn't bleeding to death. When I first woke up in recovery I croaked 'I'm alive!'
I was cut virtually from hip to hip and had to have a blood transfusion, but I was ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! If I had ignored the pain and had gone back to sleep, there's no doubt in my mind I would've died.
The second half of January was spent in pain and dosed up to the eyeballs on strong painkillers, which made afternoon naps as simple as closing my eyes wherever I was. Sweet relief! My mum stayed with me for 3 weeks and everyone who rallied round was fantastic. I can't speak highly enough of the hospital, even if they did discharge me with no painkillers and no antibiotics :O The nurses were amazing, and if I ever win the lottery I will give them a fat wodge of money.
J and I decided to get married on my birthday next year. Yay :)
FEBRUARY
February was spent avoiding moving as much as possible and throwing away dead flowers ;) I got a lot of flowers! :D Lucky me!
MARCH
I had a memorial tattoo about the loss of my tummy nugget.
APRIL
I was excited about my birthday and going to Birmingham to see the Gadget Show Live. I was also so excited about A Game of Thrones starting, especially knowing my favourite piece of man-meat Jason Momoa was going to be in it!
MAY
I was pretty down in May (as I was for much of the time as the baby's due date came around) but had a memorable evening when the Eurovision Song Contest was on. We had a few friends round and scored the acts like the proper geeks we are! Jedward's entry was interesting but I loved it ;)
JUNE
We did our banns for the first time (we had to redo them as we changed wedding ceremony venues).
JULY
We had a wonderful weekend in the country with our friend Rach, her parents and about 40 other people. As we left the next day we heard Amy Winehouse had died, and after some truly heartless comments from people I wrote
a blog about it.
I also dropped a kettle of boiling water all over myself and carry the scars now. The CFS was getting really dangerous - I was exercising to lose weight (and it was working) but at the loss of my coordination. Bah.
AUGUST
The high point of every August for me is the Bulldog Bash biker festival which is held near Stratford-upon-Avon for 4 days. It's a wonderful event of camping, live music and companionship.
We also spent a weekend in Wiltshire with our friends Mich and Tim, which was a lovely chance to meet up with old friends. We came away feeling refreshed, as being in the countryside was a real tonic. We also went on plenty of walks, but as I had 3 falls from late July to early August I had to curtail the exercise, unfortunately. We did get a couple of nice walks in before my enforced rest had to start.
August was a jam packed month as it was Pirate Day in Hastings, which was great fun as usual.
SEPTEMBER
I got my diagnosis in September - Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, as long suspected. It was a massive relief to have it confirmed after 4 years of uncertainty.
As usual, I was slapping on make up and taking posed photos. That'll never change, even when I'm a wizened old hag.
OCTOBER
I had a blog redesign as I felt the shopaholic thing wasn't really 'me' any more. My wardrobe broke under the strain it was under. We went on a few short gentle walks.
As we're weirdo pagan bastards down here, we had our Bonfire night in October.
Wedding arrangements picked up pace and we finally found a great evening venue.
NOVEMBER
I got back into make up again in a serious way, but there's hardly the light to capture it ;)
I started great guns on Weight Watchers but fizzled to a bit of a stop after thinking I'd lost a stone more than I had. I think I need to address my 'head stuff' as much as I need to sort out the mouth/stomach interface.
I also started a bit of a de-clutter in the spare room and got rid of loads of stuff either to the bin or charity shop. I ordered the wedding invites and prioritised the sending of those further away first so those people can book hotels. The Christmas machine went into overdrive - shopping, wrapping, card writing and sending.
DECEMBER
I busied myself posting a Christmas song a day, which probably pissed everyone else off, but it made me happy. I went for 2 Christmas meals, one with friends and one with family. I chose my wedding shoes and wedding dress. I stopped being such a bridezilla and started looking forward to Christmas :)
THINGS I'VE LEARNED THIS YEAR
Time goes fast - months fly by and it feels like nothing of real consequence happens sometimes, so I need to inject as much 'fun' stuff into life as possible
Life is fragile - I'm here to prove miracles happen sometimes! Carpe diem and all that!
The simple things are the things I remember most - a walk in the woods, a barbecue with friends, a sunset, a sunrise.
Effort spent to be with close friends is worth it, no matter how many miles I have to go to get there
There's no substitute for the company of good friends and family - so I should spend all the time with them I can
But at the same time, don't let anyone suck the life out of me - boundaries are good - don't say yes to others if it means saying no to myself
AIMS FOR NEXT YEAR
Enjoy my wedding day ;)
Have a lovely honeymoon & start off married life on the right foot
Seize all the happy moments I can - big ones and little ones alike
See more of my family
Learn Swedish
Cook more
Worry less
How was your year?
What do you want from next year?
